The short version.
If the Goblin cannot find at least five distinct grumbles in your shop, you receive your nineteen dollars back, in full, without argument or delay. He has not yet been required to refund anyone, but the offer stands.
The slightly longer version.
A summoning of the Goblin is one of three transactions, each handled differently.
i. The Audit — $19, one PDF.
If the PDF, when it arrives, contains fewer than five separately enumerated grumbles, write to goblin@shopgoblin.shop within seven days of delivery. Quote your order number. We will refund the full nineteen dollars to the original card, usually within one business day. You may keep the PDF. The Goblin will be cross, but only with himself.
ii. The Audit, with a second look in ninety days — $49.
The same guarantee applies to the first audit. The follow-up visit at ninety days is non-refundable once the Goblin begins his second reading. If we cancel before that point for any reason, you receive a pro-rated refund of $30.
iii. The standing arrangement — $249.
A retainer of four audits over twelve months. You may cancel after any completed audit and receive a refund for the audits not yet delivered, at the pro-rated rate of $62 per remaining audit. Audits already begun (the Goblin marks this internally) cannot be refunded.
Late delivery.
If your audit is not delivered within twenty-four hours of intake submission (forty-eight for The Audit with a second look; five days for the standing arrangement’s first read), the Goblin is in arrears. We refund fifty percent of the price automatically, without you needing to ask, and deliver the document anyway. The Goblin considers tardiness a personal failing and treats it accordingly.
Chargebacks.
If you initiate a chargeback before contacting us, we will respond to your bank with a copy of the delivered PDF and the intake submission. We will not, however, pursue you for the money. The Goblin’s view is that anyone willing to defraud a small shop audit service deserves the audit slightly less than the refund.
How to ask for a refund.
One email to goblin@shopgoblin.shop. Include the email address you used for the intake. Do not include a justification — we will not be asking you for one.